Thank you for considering this intensive. I love marriage, and I've seen again and again that conflict—when we slow it down and actually understand it—can become the doorway into the connection you've been missing.
Where you are right now—the conflict, the distance, the sense of being stuck—is hard to shift in shorter sessions spread weeks apart. The momentum leaks out between meetings. An intensive changes that. By spending focused time together over several days, we can slow things down enough to see what's really happening between you, and give you room to practice something new while you're still in the room with me.
Each of these three days builds on the last—understanding, then depth, then repair. Here's what that looks like:
Every couple has a pattern—a predictable back-and-forth that shows up most when things get hard. You didn't choose it, but it's there. And until it's named, it tends to run the show. Day One is about seeing it clearly—not to assign blame, but to understand what's happening and why it keeps repeating:
We'll also spend time understanding the experiences that shaped each of you—not to make your childhood "the problem," but because the way we first learned to do relationships has everything to do with how we do them now. By the end of Day One, the fight usually starts to look different: less about who's right, and more about a pattern you're both caught in—one neither of you wants, and one that's been quietly working against you both.
Now that you can see the pattern, Day Two goes underneath it. Most couples know something goes wrong—they just don't know why it hits so hard, or why the same fight keeps coming back. That's because the conflict usually isn't about the surface issue. It's about what it means: the fear underneath the frustration, the longing underneath the silence, the need underneath the anger.
We'll go further into your specific dynamic:
We'll use all of it to build out your full relational map—what I call "The Dance." This isn't about relitigating old arguments. It's about finally seeing the cycle clearly enough that it stops controlling you. Naming it together, out loud, changes things.
Understanding the pattern matters—but understanding alone won't hold under pressure. Day Three is about learning to do something different in the moment: how to catch the cycle before it takes over, how to move toward each other when every instinct says to pull away, and how to rebuild the trust that conflict has worn down. We'll focus on:
We'll practice in real time, with your actual story—not generic scripts or communication formulas. You'll leave with a personalized take-home document: a written summary of each of your stories, your full relational map ("The Dance"), the core triggers, emotions, and needs for each of you, and concrete next steps you can actually use.
If you'd like to stay close by, I can offer a well-appointed apartment in a great neighborhood—good restaurants nearby and just minutes from my office—at $150 per night, based on availability.